I had an interesting conversation with one of my recently-single friends last night and we got talking about Valentines Day! She was obviously very bitter about it, but then I think/hope I put some of it into perspective for her. Now, this “holiday” has been thrown way out of perspective. It’s a silly holiday, you don’t need to give into the external pressures of it and you also do not need to be super grumpy about it either.
Case in point: I am in a happy relationship – we don’t really do the Valentines day thing that the media portrays, I would much rather have LOVE expressed every day or on any other day, yes, a silly little chocolate/real (not plastic) flower or something never goes a miss even on Valentines day, however, huge elaborate gifts on Valentines day can be OTT. Even, me, in my relationship have received at least 5 emails daily to tell me to send flowers, send my loved one for a massage, silly stupid gifts ideas, etc. I REALLY DO NOT NEED TO SEND MY BOYFRIEND FLOWERS… but thank you for trying to market that to me.
Valentine’s Day, really should be no different than any other day! Really… In my opinion……however it should never be used for the following:
1. To throw a pity party - YOU may be single and bitter, or coupled and bitter, or divorced and bitter. You have have good reason to be terribly, terribly bitter about love. I am not taking that away from you. But Valentine’s Day does not give you carte blanche to feel sorry for yourself. You do not get to sulk. Or be mean to your co-worker because they got a flower delivery. Or be a general pitiful piece of shit all day because you are not getting any flowers.
2. To contact your ex - I urge you NOT to contact any form of your exes on Valentine’s Day. Due to the external pressure I mentioned earlier, it’s heavy pressure. I’m not saying you should never contact your ex, but if you really want to, sleep on it for a whole week and contact them on 21st of February, when all the chocolate is on sale.
3. To go on an emotional bender - You might be feeling lonely, or reflecting on why you do not have romantic love in your life, or possibly even mourning a love that was lost. That is perfectly fine and normal. Do not let it get you down a rabbit hole of catastrophic thinking. You start with IT WOULD OF BEEN REALLY NICE TO GET FLOWERS and before you know it you’re at WHO’S GOING TO BE THERE FOR ME HOLDING MY HAND WHEN I DIE? Come on, now. No need to spiral out of control, indulging in feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day never really leads anywhere productive. Instead, challenge yourself to think more productive thoughts like WHAT ARE SOME THINGS I CAN DO TO BE MORE OPEN TO LOVE IN MY LIFE THIS YEAR? or LET ME REMIND MYSELF WHY THE EX AND I DIDN’T WORK OUT.
4. To test the person you are dating - Valentine’s Day is not a test to see how much the person you’re dating cares about you. There is no report at the end of the night. If there’s something you want to do celebrate, don’t wait for someone else to plan it. The people we date aren’t waiting around all year to make our magical Valentine’s Day fantasies happen.
5. To DEMAND an expensive gift - If the person you’re dating has the funds to buy you an opulent gift, like any of the gifts Sandylashxx mentioned in her last post, and happens to do so from the bottom of his/her heart, then consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky. If the person you are dating does not have the funds to buy you a mini pony wiht a diamond collar, so what? It doesn’t mean they love you any less. Don’t be that person who makes the holiday about all material gain. And please, dear God, don’t use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to push for an engagement ring, unless the time really is right for you two.
6. To internet stalk - Getting on Facebook/Twitter/Google and looking at pictures of your ex(es) and his or her new love is always a bad idea in my opinion… but if this is an activity that you’re not ready to give up, fine. Just abstain for 24 hours.
7. to sign up to an online dating site - PLEASE by all means, feel free to sign up for online dating. But do not do it the week of Valentine’s day. No need to get desperate, looking for a date, any date come February 11th.
Moral of the story: we all need to learn that being alone is NOT bad thing. It’s a thing that everyone needs to learn to do at one point or another in life. If that doesn’t motivate you, remember that there is no lonlier feeling than spending Valentine’s Day with someone you don’t care for.