Let me start off by saying if your easily offended by the talk of female genitals, rather do not carry on reading this post, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Strange Blog Topic For Today: Vaginas. The Mysterious Body Part. They aren’t exactly my idea of beautiful. They bleed for a few days a month without dying. Babies heads can pass through them once a woman has reached sexual maturity. Is yours normal? Well, how can you tell, you ask? They are like snowflakes or finger prints – no two va-jay-jays are alike.
Well, I thought I’d introduce to some of the most exceptional va-jay-jays recorded in time. Yes, dear Pouters – they record this shit!
An Artistic Lady Bit
Performance artists are generally rather strange, giving birth for art or in this case in 1975. Carolee Schneeman stood on a table, after rolling her body around in mud and proceeded to pull out a scroll from her vagina, to recite what was written on it. The interior scroll is now displayed in an art museum. And you thought art was boring. Art or just psychotic? I’ll leave you to decide… and how much art has your vagina produced lately?
Her Va-jay-jay Can Bench Press More Than Your Va-jay-jay
Tatiata Kozhevnikova has the strongest va-jay-jay in the world, don’t believe me? Check the Guinness World Records… She even has special va-jay-jay barbells, SERIOUSLY? OMG. WHAT THE EFF? Is your va-jay-jay getting “small man syndrome” at the thought? Ha ha. Thought not.
THOSE ONE WHO DIDNT HAVE ONE…
1 in 4000 women are born congenital absence of the vagina. In laymans terms, without a va-jay-jay. It looks like its there, there is no absence in the “exterior view” but where the entrance to the va-jay-jay should be there is only a dimple or indentation. There is surgery which can fix the absence, or one can have a variety of different treatments which include dialation or pressure techniques (I bet that scared a bunch of our male readers! Ha ha!) yeah, I don’t really have much to say about this, but OH EM GEE.
Rwandan Women’s are Longer than Yours…
Dr. 90210 taught me that in America, the ladies undergo plastic surgery for their va-jay-jays, to have the labia trimmed *shakes head* however in Rwanada, the women go through labia stretching – yup – they want them bigger! The bigger the better – obviously size counts here. Elongated labia are perceived to be an asset and will result in better sex for both partners. The WHO (World Health Organisation) consider this practice to be mutilation but lets get real, having it trimmed in the name of cosmetic surgery must be why X-Men movies are doing so well…. mutilation at its finest.
The Biggest in History
The Scottish Anna Swan is believed to have the largest va-jay-jay in history but to be fair – she was quite a giant… She was 7″5 tall, and her husband stood 7″11 tall. She gave birth to a baby boy and when he was born the circumference of his head was 19″…. and that’s all I’m saying.
Raising our South African Flag High or Long?
Mon Vi of Cape Town, South Africa has the longest recorded bush in history – I’m not talking about one in her garden either. The longest bush is 71cm long *vomit* sis!! Do they even still make those – it sounds incredibly 70′s porn star!
But wait, there is more!
SHE WHO HAS TWO!
Lauren Williams is a women who has two va-jay-jays! TWO! She has bicornuate uterus, which means she has two vaginas, two cervixes, and two uteruses. That’s a whole lot of lady bits.
SHE IS NOT ALONE – I’M SURE YOU’VE HEARD OF THIS ONE RECENTLY!
SHE WHO IS TWO TIMES MORE LADY THAN YOU!!
Hazel Jones has been all over the media recently. She went onto a morning television talk show to talk about her womenly problems. She spoke about her very unique va-jay-jay… the medical term is uterus didelphys. In laymans terms it pretty much translates to her having two uteruses and two vaginas. So… she lost her viriginity twice. Has double heavy periouds every month…. that is a whole lot of tampons and double PMS and if she’s not careful she got get pregnant twice at the same time. Eish. I need a stiff drink to even think of such things. Got to give her credit where its due…. thats a whole lot of lady plumbing to deal with.
I don’t know what I’d do with another va-jay-jay… maybe rent it out?
So, it only took one week from when the show aired on television to now that this woman has been offered to star in a porno. ONE WEEK. Wars last longer than the time it took for her to be offered to be a pornstar. She would received a one-million dollar contract from Vivid Entertainment for her services, if she agrees of course. That means she can pay each of her vaginas half a mil each for taking a starring role in a porno.
To sweeten the deal, Hirsch of Vivid Entertainment says Hazel can pick any XXX partner she wants in her movie as well as telling her that, “We would fly you out to L.A. as soon as you are available and provide you with first class accommodations.”
I doubt she’ll say yes, she seems like a lovely little lady but who knows, for a legit offering of one-million dollars what anyone would do – obviously depends on their financial and moral circumstances.
If she does take up the offer, can you imagine what fun the script writers will have with coming up a title? “A Tale of two Vaginas?”, “Double Agent Vajay-jay” hahaha – I’m no good at that, let me know what you think it will be called in the comments!
For Our Normal Va-jay-jays…
So, do you think your va-jay-jay is normal and boring? Well, you can all ways vajazzle it like mentioned previously or the latest trend from New York seems to be “foxy bikini” and “carnival bikini” treatments.
PETA is outraged over this, but PETA does get their tits in a tangle over a lot of things – sometimes silly things, I have to say I somewhat agree with them being upset over this. The brain or should we say “brain” behind this is a former Real Housewives of New York star: Cindy Barshop.
The procedures of getting a foxy bikini treatment and carnival bikini treatments involve starting off with a full bikini wax, and then after which real fur – generally coloured (foxy bikini) or feathers (carnival bikini) are affixed to the va-jay-jay with a special glue that will keep them there for at least three days.
Now, I didn’t have a problem with vajazzling, in fact, I do not care if you vajazzle yourself or not (I still don’t see the point…) however – why would you wax all your pubes so you could stick something furry down there or fluffy down there when you’ve just waxed your own furry/fluffy bits off?? Secondly, REAL FUR?? You’re nuts! REAL FEATHERS?? You’re still nuts!! And its all on your va-jay-jay – I don’t see the point, I really do not… maybe I missed the point but I don’t believe men will find this attractive (just like vajazzling but hey…) and secondly, can you imagine having a man whip off your knickers and seeing weird coloured fur and feathers down there – I’m pretty sure he’d run for the hills, thinking you are either storing a birds nest in your knickers or you have some weird from of STD that will turns the colour and consistency of your pubes to that of a fox?
Sis on anyone of you that have this done. Rather, buy another vagina or something.
I have little hope left in human kind when I read stuff like this… crazy people!