Caution: This blog contains some 13 + language. Parental guidance is advised for younger readers.
Top of the morning, Pouters and welcome to your first missfitz rant. Feel free to stop reading at any point in time if it gets too much, however this is something I need to get off my chest as for the past 8 months or so I have seen a trend emerging on many social networks that really makes me nauseous regarding how people speak, act and think online.
I obviously will not be mentioning anyone in particular as I do not think it’s very lady like to publically name and shame individuals who have done something wrong however I do hope and pray to many Gods and statues that they will read this, understand that they have done something wrong and persist to continually fight the urge to carry on doing so in future. This brings me to my first point.
1. Do not under any circumstances name and shame anyone on an online medium, be in Facebook, Twitter, You Tube, BBM, Whats App, Linked In or whatever all the rage is nowadays. No matter what they’ve done, even if they happened to sleep with your boyfriend, steal all your underwear and proceed to wear it on their heads for all their clubbing experiences as they are trying to start a new trend. For one, there is always two sides to every story and secondly it makes you look like a twat that cannot confront the person either to their face or when that is not possible (in other words when you are so angry that if you had to see them you may do some major bodily harm) then for god’s sake instead of tweeting about how you think so-and-so is a whore, and she ruins relationships bla bla if you cannot go without letting all these feelings about so-and-so out then send her a bloody private message and get on with it. We honestly do not care about your dirty laundry and well, we shouldn’t need to have full on detail about it if we do not want to hear it. Even if you think it may be deserved to another person, you never know what that person is capable of and well, who they are connected with, even if they’ve been deleted and blocked and all that jazz, tread carefully, you wouldn’t want anything to bite your ass later.
2. All that being said brings me to my second point. It is great to be in love. I am sure there are very few people that would disagree with that statement however it brings me to the fact that an odd status update every now and then is great to hear how your man spoiled you, how he surprised you, or how you even enjoyed a lovely dinner together however we do not need to know how you two communicate on a daily basis via your status updates. For example, “I’M CURRENTLY ON THE TOILET, I’M THINKING ABOUT MY BABY AND HOW MUCH I MISS HIM…. OMG MY POOP IS GREEN!!! :O COME HELP BABY…. DON’T THINK I’M GOING TO SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU!!!!! *insert loads of hearts here*” that, is obviously an exaggeration however I hope it got my point across. We really do not care that you think you cannot wipe your own bum and need “your baby” to hold your hand while doing so is rather annoying to say the least.
3. What is even worse than the being in love status updates is the falling out of love or even worse breaking up status updates. I don’t know if I should even get started on this…. Oh what the hell, if you’re still reading – congratulations you are obviously somewhat a level headed thinker and possibly have understand one or two of my rants so far. Anyway, back to business. This point 3 is normally directionally proportional to how much of point number 2 is done by a certain person. The thing that grates my titties the most though is that these “break ups” are generally for relationships that have only lasted approximately 3 – 8 months long and “OMG, that’s like almost a year of my life that I wasted with this douche bag” no you idiot, that is 3 – 8 months of your life, a year is 12 months long and well, you’re an idiot and should be banned from posting nonsense or at least banned from popping up on my news feeds. Secondly, 9 times out of 10 these relationships the people involved were just not compatible to say the least, so it’s probably for the better that you can now go on and prowl and find someone more compatible for you.
It’s sad and terrible that your relationship had to end but you know how desperate you are going to look if you do happen to meet someone that is interested in you when you are posting hate messages and “baby, I miss you come back to me I know we can make it work… I promise no longer to update my status about my green poop and when you help me wipe my bum *insert lots of hearts here!*” that is just going to make any potential future partner run for the hills because they will have proof that you are psycho. Note to psychos: do not let anyone know you are in fact psycho until it’s too late – ha ha, I made a joke.
That being said, a lot of the time unfortunately one person involved in the relationship is unfaithful and that may be the reason for the relationship to end. Dust yourself off and move on, there are plenty more fish in the sea and they did not deserve you in the first place. Be grateful it happened sooner rather than later and go meet someone who is really worthy of being with you, don’t publically post all over the internet that so-and-so is a cheater and a home wrecker and then continue to stalk his/her life via the internet and let his/her possible new partners know it too. Get over it. Walk along. Next.
4. You just got a brand new cell phone, digital camera or just had your very first photo shoot. It’s great. I’m really happy for you! However, one or two pictures to look at is fantastic, see what you’ve been up to – I don’t want to see every single picture you’ve taken with this new camera or at your photo shoot, especially if you’ve been taking these pictures of yourself either in the mirror or holding the phone and you are giving a perfect trout pout for the camera. I have to be fair though, and admit I’m pretty sure 99.999999% of woman have done this at some point in their life. If you’re feeling confident then go for it, just think about whether it’s completely necessary to post all of these pictures online? One or two, maybe but don’t let it be a reoccurring trend as it will make you look vain and it will make it look like no one wants to take a picture of you or wants to be seen in a picture with you. Also, once you have posted said one or two pictures online – DON’T YOU DARE POST SAYING “OMG!! Look how ugly/fat/disproportionate my eyes are/ how skwonk my nose is/ how one titty is bigger than the other” because, I really do not care and think you should be sterilized.
This can also be said for new parents with their sprogs. Congratulations, you’ve had a baby and you think it’s beautiful, unfortunately the rest of us may not be as attached to the little one as much as you are – think about that before uploading album after album of your baby, “oh look how cute s/he is when he blinks….. and yawns…. and burps….. and …” I read a tweet one day that said something along the lines of: the uglier the baby is directly proportional to how many pictures the mother posts on facebook. Do they need reassurance that their baby is beautiful are they doubting their mothering instincts and just want to prove they didn’t smother the baby to death in the cot because it doesn’t look as hot as their trout pout in self portrait pictures? I dunno. I sometimes question humanity.
5. We’ve all seen it before, idiots fighting with other idiots online who they will never meet. Yes, it’s an out dated saying but I need to express it again. Fighting on the internet is like playing in the special Olympics – even if you win YOU ARE STILL RETARDED. Generally arguments spring because of a matter of opinion and online, you are a very very brave person, but I doubt you are that brave in real life. Stop fighting with people you don’t know, and don’t intend on knowing. It’s not cool. If you have a different opinion to another person, just tell them you think differently but you respect yours – if they continue to persist just shut up. Silence is a deadly weapon. Plus, who wants to surround themselves with such knobs anyway…. Even online!
6. You are not superior because your dad has 10 mansions and he bought you such an expensive car that you are going to wrap around a poll in 2 weeks because you are an idiot. Guess what sweetheart; no one wants to have their nose rubbed in it that you are a spoilt brat. Be proud of what you have, just don’t flaunt it too much. No one has ever liked a show off.
7. Just because you have 7821 friends doesn’t mean you are popular. It just means you have killer stalking skills, or you have a lot of stalkers.
8. tYpInG LiKe tHis FuCkz mE 0fF s00oo0 bAdLY…. Go back to grade 1, that is all.
9. Asking people to vote for you in competitions is fine once or twice, but personally messaging them constantly and asking for votes can be quite annoying and unless if you are REALLY easy on the eyes you will more than likely eventually be deleted/banned from personally messaging them. Put a general “vote for me” out there but don’t spam. Spam is not cool, and it will make you go to hell when you die.
10. If you are depressed and want to kill yourself, please seek professional help and stop fishing for compliments and attention on your status/tweet/blog. I feel sorry that you feel that way but I am far from a trained experienced individual in suicide 101. Also, stop saying your bipolar if you have never been diagnosed by a medical professional, nothing screams psycho more than someone who constantly talks about their “wish they had” illnesses which can cause some great concern for the friends who really care about you. If you’ve been diagnosed with it – you should be treated for it, not just left to go crazy online. Don’t throw the term bipolar around because, someone you know may be bipolar and may not like being shown in that light.
Keep your online persona as true as possible to your true self; there is no point on joining any social network and acting like the sun shines out of your backside even if you are trying to portray an image for modelling for example. No one will like you… Even if they do know you in real life. It creates a bad image for you and being horrible to other people may end up causing a lot of trouble one day as you may not be as mean and nasty as your comments and messages portray. Remember, what is online is online forever. Be it a video, picture, text and it may hurt your chances of some awesome job opportunities one day. I’m not saying don’t have a laugh and have fun, but if you are openly going out of your way to cause drama then welcome Karma a little later on in life.
Anyways, there is some food for thought.
Be you. Be beautiful.