The Hardest Working Bras

Bonjour Poutlings!

Since everyone is being incredibly emo today, about it being #blackTuesday in South Africa —– are you ready for a giggle? Today I’m talking about BOOOBIES, HOOTERS, TATAS, “THE GIRLS”, TITTIES, JUGS…. The things that men go crazy for!! But specificially talking about the biggest ones which are shoved in her face thanks to the media.

I do not have big boobies, I am thankful for it after seeing how some family members have struggled with various problems due to large breasts, and I do not want massive ones either. However, there are some ridiculously big ones around nowadays. How do these women find underwear that fits? How do they stand upright? How do they hug their partners?

Bras have a terrible life… They seldom stay on and when they come off, no one cares what happens to them. They have a shelf life of 2 years and there always seems to be a newer, thinner, better versions coming out. Even so, some of the most beautiful women in our media have good reason to purchase many more bras since the ones they use now barely contain “the girls”.

So here’s the full rundown of the hardest working bras in the media ranked from smallest cup size to largest. Check out my running commentory below.

KATIE PRICE AKA JORDON

32D

I know, LOOK AT THOSE THINGS. That is a picture before she got them reduced.

JENNIFER CONNELLY

34D

Everyone seems to forget she has them because she has morals and generally keeps her clothes on…

ADRIENNE BARBEAU

36D

Ah, who said I’d only mention young, modern day people in the spot light?

AMBER SMITH

36D

This young lady was told she was “too tall” and “too beautiful” for Hollywood. HA! Her Maxim pictorials will go down as the HOTTEST in the magazines history. Eat that, HOLLYWOOD.

ANN MAGARET

36D

Another blast from the past. We, at Pout Perfection give credit to woman of all ages here and although we weren’t around for Ann’s heydey, we give credit to what  GILF she made in the movie Grumpy Old Men. You go girl.

JACQUELINE BISSET

36D

She was nominated for an Emmy and 4 Golden Globes. Insert joke about her having Golden Globes here. Here’s a fun fact: She’s Angelina Jolie’s godmother. Where’s Angie on this list? Chick’s only got a C-cup. PASS!

JERI RYAN

36D

We’re not huge Star Trek fans here at Pout Perfection, but those D-cup phasers are set to stun. Better beam our men’s eyes up before they get slapped!

SHANNON ELIZABETH

36D

This beauty came to stardom and everyone saw them tatas in American Pie. I’m sure she made a lot of teengage boys lives with that film!

SHANNON TWEED

36D

This tall Canadian drink of water was Miss November 1981 and Playmate of the Year in 1982. She went on to stare in many adult movies before marrying Kiss lead singer Gene Simmons and starring on Family Jewels. What a character!

RAQUEL WELCH

38D

Did you watch 1000BC? If you didn’t, you didn’t miss out on apart from them bazingas!

KAT DENNINGS

38D

Her boobies first burst onto the scene in 40 year old virgin. Her whiny, cynical behavior was forgiven by any man watching for a sight of her cleavage. She still hasn’t shown off the curves yet. Unless you count the nude pics she leaked – why do celebs do that?

MIM ROGERS

38D

Tom Cruise’s ex-wife? Yeah, forgot about that, didn’t we? If she still doesn’t ring a bell, she played Elizabeth Hurley’s mom in Austin Powers. The thing about huge natural boobs is they have tendency to hit the floor as the time goes on. I’d still pay money to watch them clap, wakakakaka! Hilarious.

JODIE MARSH

32DD

Who is she? She is a British bombshell from the UK’s version of Big Brother. So why include her in a list for the hardest working bras? Because those things could knock you out. You have be warned.

KIM *cough* KARDASHIAN

32DD

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, we don’t like her, we want to thow rotten fruit at her. Can’t argue with her curves, though.

KELLY BROOK

34DD

No doubt about it, she’s better known for taking purdy pics, but she’s done a fair amount of acting, most notably her lead role in Piranha 3-D. Shoulda been called “Piranha 34-DD”.

CHRISTINA AGUILERIA

34DD

She’s a singer – in case you live under a rock!  Some would say pregnancy does a chest good, others say enhanced. What do you say?

JESSICA SIMPSON

34DD

Jessica Simpson can be thick, skinny, bald, or fat. The only difference is how the media depicts her. That aside, she has always had massive bazingas. She says, she got them from her momma.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON

34DD

Most men have to wonder how Ryan Reynolds could have divorced this woman, in my opinion she is the personification of the word SEXY.

SOFIA VERGARA

36DD

That kid on Modern Family must have the most swollen blue balls known to man to have these shoved in his face all day on set… stop hating him boys, ha ha.

NICOLE ‘COCO’ AUSTIN

38DD

Yes, I have no idea who she is either, but god damn! Those are massive.

HEIDI MONTAG

34DDD

Even after 243 surgeries on her already rocking body, Heidi Montag is full of fakeness and yet somehow is does not bother us. Real or Fake, boobies are still boobies for the sake of this post!!

CHRISTINA HENDRIKS

38DDD

Good lord, how does she stand upright? Shame, god bless her back.

I hope none of you are jealous of these ladies with well looked after twins, remember to look after your own.

Be good! Or else you will be censored by the goverment and jailed for 25 years….

*missfitzz

10 Comments

Filed under Boobs, Celebrities, Daily Banter

10 responses to “The Hardest Working Bras

  1. hahaha Fi, you really did live up to what you told us! haha. I looked at all these pics and actually started getting sick. I HATE huge cleavage. omg…. really. I can’t help but see them as milk udders. And like that milk smell. and baby burp with milk all over the shoulders. And silicone oozing out the nipples. And don’t forget the nipple hair. Gosh, i need a coffee. We need a post on mens ballsacks please! even out my sick levels. ahahahaha

  2. Unlike Sandy I’ve actually gotten sick with jealousy! Cristina Hendricks is, in my opinion, a modern day Marilyn Monroe with her big tata’s and her confidence to pull them off. Same with Scarlett. OMG I think I have new girl crushes! O.o oh but the fake ones suck lol

  3. I love love Sofia Vergara…she’s exotic and just down right Hot! Too bad I’m not a dude! 😛

  4. If I should say something, then nothing will stop the chatter within 545003

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  6. I really like your writing style, fantastic info , appreciate it for putting up : D.

  7. k3ryck

    Where’s Lucy Pinder?

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