Hey there Stunners!
So on the 9th of December 2011 I wrote up a post on how to be the almost perfect lady, which I can see attracted many readers and views. I’m also sure many women didn’t agree with a lot of things as it would have seemed as though I directed many things towards them.
First things first.. It’s MY personal opinion, not law.
It’s like I say:
“Awww, I insulted you with my opinion? You should’ve heard the ones i kept to myself!“
So let’s get cracking!
1. STOP TEXTING, FACEBOOKING, TWEETING WHILE DRIVING
Oh how I am guilty of this! On BBM, I would put on the “busy” status, but do you think people give a crap? Do they look? No, so this is how I see it. If I land in an accident due to my texting while driving, then you should feel just as guilty! I’m trying very hard to stop this! I will read the message, because I’m making sure it’s not an actual emergency. What do I get? A “sweet” BBM BC! uhg, I will not crash for some BC! Neither should you!
2. CONSTANTLY PULLING DOWN YOUR MINI DRESS.
I’m sure you’ve seen this. Young girls who purposely go out and find a short tight mini dress to grab obvious attention, but constantly pull it down so that we don’t see their bits! I don’t have anything against mini skirts, but don’t make it so short and tight that whenever you stand, sit, walk, fart you have to keep pulling the thing down that extra millimeter! When contemplating buying a mini skirt dress try it on in the fitting room and sit, cross your legs. If any cellulite is seen, don’t buy it! Even if you’re so skinny you’re gonna fall through your own asshole!
3. MUFFIN TOPS, BE GONE WITH YOU!
Need I say more? Teenagers think nothing is wrong with this, this is a clear indication that teenagers cannot think at all! Unfortunately, I once saw a woman and her hubby shopping in Sandton like this! Didn’t her husband tune her? One rule, let your hubby walk behind you when leaving the house. He might be able to save you from being on a worst dressed list! There is one important thing you have to do before leaving the house…. LOOK IN THE MIRROR!
4. HUGE, MILKY or DARK CHOCOLATE CLEAVAGE.
Oh, now all the girls with big boobs are going to disagree here. Not to mention some guys. Look honey, if you walk, and your tatas wobble like it’s the movie 2012, then please cover up. I’m not saying hide them, but flaunting them isn’t want Id want either. Wear a thin little scarf suitable for summer. Cover up! You look like Daisy-boo, the cow from a dairy farm. EVERYONE can see you have jugs of milk, but some humans are visually lactose intolerant!!! No, I’m NOT jealous. Big boobs are a big job!
5. G-STRINGS SHOULD BE BANNED!
For the life of me I cannot understand why women wear ARSE FLOSS! All I can see in my mind is the chaffing happening as you walk, sit, walk, sit. Its like your butt cheeks are your teeth and the floss is getting all that plaque outta the way! Doesn’t matter how ‘sexy’ the woman is, if one sees it, one cannot turn back the hands of time, nor my stomach contents!
6. NOT KNOWING HOW TO BOIL AN… ANYTHING!
Did you know that many women don’t know how to cook anything! Boil an egg! Really? That’s the most horrifying thing a woman can not know! How would you like it if a man told you; “Well, I don’t know how to work, change a light bulb, change a tyre” – Ok, the best way to save your female soul here is to stop watching F.T.V and M.T.V and get your ass into the K.I.T.C.H.E.N. No point in looking like a million dollars with your perfect hair, nails and style, but you can’t do the most natural thing a woman is supposed to do! Which leads me to my next point…..
7. MORE WORRIED ABOUT BREAKING A NAIL, THAN GETTING DOWN AND DIRTY
I can almost bust-a-tit when I watch “reality shows” where these “divas” are moaning about breaking a nail because they’re faced with physical labour like sweeping!! Oh please! If you don’t like working physically because you don’t want to damage your ever so perfect exterior, then I suggest you package yourself in a box and stay at Reggies or Toys R Us. Our ancestors worked their bloody skins off to have a better future for their children, and this is the thanks we show them now? That what THEY did for survival, we deem as ‘gross’? Remember, no one has ever drowned in their own sweat!
8. APPLYING MAKEUP WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN
9. TAKING ADVANTAGE OF GOOD MEN
Guess what? There ARE good men in the world! Many of them! The reason there are ASSHOLES/DOGS in the world is simply because of women. Look at how girls act these days! Posting provocative pictures of themselves, looking up to porn stars and other immoral actresses, saying very sexual things, but get extremely upset when a guy tries his luck with them. Oh boohoo! YOU are responsible for what you attract into your life. So, don’t blame men for being dogs, take a deep look inside… HOWEVER, men who take advantage of GOOD WOMEN, sis and shame on you!!! – All I’M saying is, an eye for an eye will make the world blind. What’s the point of doing the bad others have done to you? You’re just sitting in a circle of nonsense which you put yourself in. (Men, it applies for you too)
10. WHAT FOUNDATION DO YOU USE? NUTELLA?
So now I can go make my coffee and breathe!
Here I am telling women how they should or shouldn’t behave, but these are all things I actually applied myself. I know I’m not perfect, and never will be. I just have many opinions. They obviously don’t matter to anyone really. It’s all just me releasing some of my mental tit-bits/jibber-jabber. I definitely didn’t show “lady-like” language either. But I don’t let that rule my everyday life. Everyday I try to just get.. better.