It’s never too early to start preparing your child to be a beauty queen…. at least, that is what mum-to-be Jenny Oliver thinks.
At seven months pregnant, she’s already entered her unborn daughter, tentatively named “Ella” into her first Bonnie Baby pageant.
“With my dance skills and her sister Jess’s knowledge of pageants, there’s no way she won’t win the prize for bonniest baby… It was only a tenner to enter her and I believe you should start them young. Ella will do so much better in life with all that experience under her belt… She’s only going to be three months old but she’ll have a bit of fun on the day… Walking down the catwalk with my gorgeous baby will make me feel a million dollars – even though I’ll still be carrying my baby weight and wearing baggy clothes. I hope she wins – it would be fab to have a baby sash and crown to add to the collection. I have so much planned for her.”
Can we just stop for a minute? Goodness. I feel stressed reading that. What about you? THIS POOR CHILD DOESN’T EVEN EXIST YET. I suppose they will start fitting her for a “flipper” the moment after her first feeding.
I have so many questions when reading this:
1. What if she doesn’t arrive on her due date.
2. What if her skin doesn’t take to spray tans well?
3. What if she doesn’t look good in nappies?
4. What if Ella is a boy?
There are too many unanswered questions here, and I feel stressed for a life that is even yet to live. What the hell is happening with the world?
It is worrying enough seeing toddlers dressed up in pink frills, covered in makeup and encouraged to be swoon-worthy in front of judges at teeny beauty pageants but its positively scary to think unborn babies are being lined up for a childhood spent being judged on how they look.
I rest my case.