Tag Archives: curvy

Guest Contribution: Thin People are Part of the Body Image Conversation, Too

People like to make things into battles, with two opposing sides. You know, like in the Mommy Wars where breastfeeding is a battle cry and formula feeding is a ferocious counterattack. Oy vey.

hotter-than-this-meme01

Sometimes, in the world of conversations about body image, it seems like heavy women get pitted against thin women. There are a series of memes that have been endlessly cycling through Facebook with pictures of skinny, currently famous women alongside previous pinups with voluptuous breasts and hips. One caption reads “When did this … become hotter than THIS?” suggesting that our thin-obsessed culture has lost its way.

“EEWWW! She’s just skin and bones!” say the commenters. And then thin women get understandably pissed.

Let’s be real for a moment. The fat acceptance movement, though increasingly present and vocal, has a long way to go in terms of garnering mainstream support. We exist in a culture that fat-shames incessantly. No one is immune from it. We are told in millions of tiny and screamingly loud ways every day that fat is gross, horribly unhealthy, ugly, and unacceptable. Even thin girls and women often fight hard, and sometimes dangerously, to be thinner, because we have learned that thinner is always better.

I don’t think there’s a real contest here. Heavy women are discriminated against, treated cruelly, and made to feel terrible about themselves because of the way they look. Not true for thin women.

BUT.

When we talk about body image, thin women are a part of that conversation. They have to be. We ALL deal with beauty standards. We ALL face off against our own appearance expectations. And many of us, regardless of how much we weigh, think more than we’d like to admit about our weight.

And even more than this, people’s appearances don’t always tell the whole story. Actually, they rarely do. Some very thin women feel self-conscious about their bodies and wish that they were curvier. There are very heavy anorexics and very small binge eaters and people who feel completely great about the way they look even though no one else seems to think they look good. There are supermodels who feel ugly. It isn’t possible to look at someone and diagnose how they feel about their body. It’s unfair to assume that you know how they should feel.

I get heavily into debate on Facebook and Twitter about weight issues and sometimes women write to me to tell me that they agreed with everything I was saying about body image until they saw a picture of me. “You have no right to talk,” they inform me. “You’re too thin.”

I have apologized for my weight in these contexts, caught off guard and confused and upset about offending someone. But I have also struggled with my weight, harassed myself over it. I, like so many girls and women, have quietly believed in my own ugliness, and made a thousand shameful little promises that began with “I will stop eating all of the things that taste good.” Yeah. Because that usually works.

A very thin friend of mine was telling me the other day about how awkward her exchanges about weight with one of her closest friends are. “I am getting SO fat!” laments her heavier friend.

“You look amazing,” says my friend.

“Yeah, whatever,” her friend says dismissively. “YOU should talk. Look at how thin you are!”

But my friend battled an eating disorder for years. Sometimes she didn’t fight, actually. Eventually she did. Now she is working to eat more and healthily. She is working to gain weight. She is EXACTLY the person to talk, because her relationship with weight is complicated, painful, intense, and ongoing.

In fact, everyone who deals with body image issues has a right to talk about body image. Men, too, while we’re being inclusive here. We are all living and participating in a culture that has a lot to say about what is hot and what is not, and we’re affected by it. In different ways, certainly, but sometimes in ways that are more similar than we might imagine, when we come from such disparate backgrounds and have such varying appearances. They do not call South Africa the Rainbow Nation for nothing.

One of the great things about the internet and the communities it fosters is that there is plenty of room for passionate, involved subgroups. You can find support for whatever it is that you’re dealing with. You can have a space to talk about the pressure you feel to be thinner, even when you’re already thin. Even though you might not understand why you feel this way and are embarrassed and frustrated by it. And I think it’s really important to talk with other people who are dealing with the same issues you are. But I also think we need to come together to talk about beauty and body image in a larger context. And to do that, we need to stop excluding people.

We all own pieces of these struggles or realities, but no one group owns them in total.

And in my own little community where people are talking about body image, I’ve stopped apologizing for being thin. When people tell me I shouldn’t talk about body image because I “don’t weigh enough,” I respond that they’re missing the point.

hotterthanthis

I know, it’s not exactly revolutionary, but I really believe that until we can acknowledge the ways that beauty standards and expectations affect all of us, we can’t get a clear picture of what’s really going on in our culture. Until we can stop trying to tell other people’s stories for them, as in “she looks fine to me, I don’t know what she’s whining about,” or “she looks bad to me, I don’t know why she feels good about herself,” and until we can stop trying to claim body image issues exclusively and start admitting that they’re something too many of us already share, we can’t take the steps we need to give girls and women permission to feel good about how they look, right now, in their current bodies. And guess what? Those bodies look a lot of different ways. That’s the deal with bodies.

love Frustrated

This is an anonymous post submitted via one of our readers. If you wish to submit an authored our anonymous guest post please feel free to contact poutperfection@gmail.com or one of columnistas directly for more information.

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Filed under Beauty, Celebrities, Health, Weight

A Guide for the Fearless Female on…. Lingerie Shopping

Keeping the flame alive between your partner and yourself after your inital honeymoon phase of the realtionship wears off can be the making or break of your relationship. If you struggle to keep your relationship intimate after some time, then you might as well write it off and try again. Some woman are petrified of the thought of trying sexy, gorgeous lingerie on where some other absolutely love it and are not afraid to try. My post today is for those who are not sure on what they should buy, and to tell everyone to start having a beautiful sexy lingerie collection today – if you have not done so already, start making that collection grow. It will make you feel beautiful, it will drive your man crazy and it will add a little bit of an extra spark to your relationship.

Buying lingerie can be as complicated as deciding on the menu for dinner! Getting the right size that properly fits your body, accentuates your great features and hides areas you’re not too proud of can be very daunting to woman who are not 100% happy with what God has given them… No one is ever happy, right? Wrong. You’re partner will love it because you’re making extra effort to not only feel and look good for them but also for yourself.

Now, everyone will always have different tastes and style, and by no means never throw what you think looks good away. Keep yourself present when wearing your lingerie and don’t pretend to be someone else, unless if that is what you and your partner are going for.

Here is my basic guide for choosing what lingerie is best per body type, however match it up, be adventurous – TRY it on at the shops and see what it looks like. You never know, you may suprise yourself, and your partner!

Curvy

You have a fuller bosom and a round bottom, lucky aren’t you? You may not realise it but you have what every man instinctly wants by nature and what every other woman secretly envies. You look genetically fit and ooze sex appeal, whether you know it or not.

However, sometimes you want to make them look one size smaller and it can be a real tough job to get this right sometimes. Woman who have big boobs should opt for bras with demi cups that have an underwire which have broader straps for that little bit of extra support. Sounds boring, right? Not anymore, you can choose to have bright floral prints with lace borders. Corsetted bras or corsets with built in bras are great for under evening wear and can add an extra oooh la la for when that evening wear comes off.

Petite

You already know what a blessing padded bras are. What you may not realise is that you can experiment with any type of fabric, pattern or colour. Small busted women are the luckiest when it comes to bra shopping as they can choose anything, be it functional, every day wear to kinky which will drive your man wild.

For a little bit of extra cleavage, petite ladies can have a padded bra with a plunging neckline which give the tiniest bosoms cleavage. Triangle shaped cups will make smaller breasts look fuller too. But, small-chested women should stay away from conical bras as they will never flatter a petite frame. Those with small bottoms can experiment with different styles, fabrics and prints in underpants too. However, a bikini or hipster cut will look the best.

Lean

Lean woman are blessed by almightier powers. They can choose to have a normal bra with an underwire if they want to look their normal size, and choose a padded one to look fuller. Average sized woman have a lot to choose from satin and lace to kinky and fun bras in velvet. The same holds true for panties however boy shorts will always flatter and look best if you have long lean legs.

Just bear in mind:

– while shopping that you pick the right size

– shop for new lingerie if you put on or loose weight (straps that cut through skin and leave rashes is really not beautiful or feminine, neither is gaping bikini lines because its one or two sizes too small)

– buy it for you, but also do not buy it and think that its never going to be seen; feel fabulous in what you wear

Creating a collection for every occasion is a popular step to take for your enjoyment. The presentation of the lingerie that will help to bring out the characteristics you want can help you in deciding the perfect sets available to you. There are thousands of shops to look at, if your a bit shy of going to the shops search online to get a feel for what you would like to look at and try on in the shops – we each which will have different styles of what we like and dislike. Knowing your style and knowing what you want will help you in keeping the relationship alive with lingerie.
Go ahead, find your style and flaunt you body in the right pair. You will look great in anything you wear!

Miss Lucy Ooh La La

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Filed under Fashion, Pro Tips, Sex, Tips, Trends