Ever heard a story of how someone fell pregnant and thought quietly to yourself: yeaaah right……
Well…. here is my countdown of the most weird and wonderful ways to fall pregnant…
When Jennifer Stewart, a white woman married to a white man, gave birth to black baby, she didn’t confess to having sex with a black man. Oh no, she claimed to have been impregnated by the black male lead in a 3-D porno film. Luckily her husband believed her. He’s probably the only one.
Amber Miller gave birth to a baby girl just a few minutes after crossing the finish line at the Chicago Marathon. When she finished the race at six hours and 25 minutes, she felt contractions, grabbed a quick sandwich, and stopped by the hospital to pop out her baby. She says her doctor advised her to walk half the race. That’s the part of this story I find inconceivable. Her doctor gave her permission to run a marathon while nine months preggo? I’m no doctor, but that just sounds absolutely insane.
HELP I SWALLOWED A BABY
This story is so absolutely insane, that I don’t know where to start. A 15-year-old girl in South Africa (who I should mention believes she did NOT have a vagina) became pregnant by the most unusual of circumstances. She had just finished giving her boyfriend a blow job when her ex discovered them together and stabbed her in the stomach. The puncture wound caused her boyfriend’s sperm to drop into her uterus and fertilize an egg, which became a baby. That is all. So far, this story appears to be true. I need a nap now.
FOUR YEARS OF PREGNANCY….
Carrying a child for 48 months is particularly beneficial when receiving extra food stamps for your bun in the oven. Leah Wright of Maine was indicted for fraudulently obtaining food stamps during her long, false pregnancy
TWO BABIES, TWO FATHERS, ONE PREGNANCY
Mia Washington sought medical help when she noticed her twin babies looked nothing alike. A DNA test revealed that the twins have two different fathers. Yep, two eggs were fertilized by two different men’s sperm. It’s known as heteropaternal superfecundation aka “sleeping with two men in one day without protection.” She later admitted she had an affair. Duh.
FIFTY YEAR OLD FETUS
A 90-year-old Chinese woman went to the doctor complaining of back pain and an X-ray revealed a 58-year-old calcified fetus in her abdomen. Back in 1949, when the child should have been born, her doctor told her she had a still birth.
Those of us who have even the most fundamental math skills know that giving birth to seven babies in 11 months is not possible. But that’s what Precious Donatus Ogbonna of Lagos claims to have happened to her. She gave birth to her first child in August 2009, after 11 years of trying to have a baby, but the child died five days later. Ten months later, she conceived and delivered the seven babies within intervals of one month. She was later arrested, but it was unclear as to why. Perhaps for lying?
KNOCKED UP BY A DEAD MAN
Last, but certainly not least, a fun story about necrophilla…. Allegedly, Felicity Marmaduke, a 38-year-old mortuary worker, was arrested for having sex and becoming impregnated by one of the corpses at the Mourning Glory Mortuary. MOURNING GLORY MORTUARY? ANYONE ELSE SEE THE IRONY HERE?? I guess stiffs can get stiffies post-mortem? She apparently planned to sue her corpse’s estate for child support.
Don’t we live in a mad world?
I suppose the immaculate conception can only be used one time, ever, in history…