Tag Archives: Germany

Hit or Miss? Micaela Schaefer

Hiya Poutlings

micaelaschaeffervalentines

Meet, Micaela Schaefer, the Courtney Stodden of Germany… well from the very little that I’ve read about her anyway. My reasoning for that statement is that, Courtney Stodden would be the only other person in the whole world that would do this… posing in the middle of a square in Berlin wering only black ribbon, red wrapping paper, and the half of a heart-shaped chocolate box (on her box? sorry, she was looking for that!) would attempt to pull of a sophisticated and demure ensemble like this.

wtf

As the most shiny human rhinestone in Germany, Micaela, gave everyone in Berlin an early Valentine’s Day gift when she threw a craft project on her body and posed for the paps in a square the other day. If a discount lingerie store put on a Victoria’s Secret-like fashion show in the parking lot of a shuttered down mall and only had a budget of about R50, this is what would come stomping down the runway during the finale of the show.

wtf2

Micaela Schaefer looks like a cross between a broken down float from the saddest gay pride parade ever and a depression era Victoria’s Secret model. In other words, this look is certainly redefining the meaning of luxury.

…on a serious note – DO PEOPLE HAVE NO DAMN SHAME ANYMORE? Clearly not.

Happy early Valentine’s Day. Don’t be a bore… or bitter.

*missfitz

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Filed under Media, News, WTF

UK High Street Invasion : Krap-Tashian Kollection

Hiya Poutlings

Save the date: Thursday, 8th of November the krap-tackular fashion offerings of Kim, Khloe and Kourtney are going to Dorothy Perkins in the UK.

Apparently, it took the the three sisters and their pimp momager Kris Jenner a long time to find a retailer outside the US that was a good fit for their “Kardashian Kollection” brand.

So, as the UK-based budget brand (and sister of Topshop) continues to go global, they’re using the Krapdashians to make their name in the US and cash in on the public, like the Krapdashians do with the public obsessesion of reality TV stars.

In one months time Brit shoppers will be able to shop for sheer, tight, animal print krap in-store as well as international shoppers online in the USA, France, Germany, UK and Ireland.

Here’s a few examples of the current “klassy” offerings at the US department store, Sears which our British readers will be seeing the like of when you drop your kiddies off at school discos this Khristmas…

Dorothy Perkins, for the record, we are not amused. Go to the front of the class and face the wall until the kollection krashes and you’ve learned your lesson.

It’s a puty the stuff won’t be avaible by Halloween, that’s an easy-access Halloween costume idea right out the window.

**missfitz

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Filed under Celebrities, Clothing, Fashion, Models

World’s Penis Chart…

If you’ve had a craving for rain forests, untapped deposits of raw minerals, and gigantic penises, now’s the time to head to the Republic of Congo.

Hiya Poutlings 🙂

A new study ranked the world’s countries by average length of erect penises and found that the Congo is home to the most well-endowed individuals. At 18.034cm, their enormous sex organs put them at the top, just above the male populations in Ecuador – 17.78cm, Ghana – 17.272cm, Columbia – 17.018cm, and Iceland 16.51cm.

Wondering where the USA falls on the world’s penis chart? Get out your magnifying glass … you’re gonna need it.

The average penis size of an American man is 12.954cm, landing them the 25th percent, behind the U.K. with 13.97cm, Spain also with 13.97cm, and Canadas also at 13.97cm, as well. Poor Americans. So many huge SUVs polluting the World’s Ozone layer, so many little penises.

If heading to the Congo really isn’t your thing, you might want to consider a trip to Italy. They came in 6th out of 113 nationalities with an average length of 15.748cm. Pasta, pizza, gelato, aqueducts, wine, art, romance, history, bucolic landscapes, ancient cities, and enormous baloney ponies? Italy really is a dream land…. If you have no sarcasm filter, this statement is sarcasm.

South Africa came in after Italy, 7th place according to this study, at 15.24 centimeters. Yay. Go TEAM SA. Please wave your flags around safely. Be wise, condomise, and all that jazz.

The research was done by a professor at Ulster University and some are critiquing its validity, saying he got his “facts” from the Internet, but come on. It’s a study on schlong sizes. Of course you use the web to glean data on this – it’s not like the professor took a ruler around the world and demanded men to whip out their peters.

But if that is what he did, I wonder if he needs a research assistant next year… I think I know the perfect candidate for him. hahaha.

Here’s part of the list, just for reference:

Republic of Congo, 18.034cm

Ecuador, 17.78cm

Ghana, 17.272cm

Colombia, 17.018cm

Iceland, 16.51cm

Italy, 15.748cm

South Africa, 15.24cm

Sweden, 14.986cm

Greece, 14.732cm

Germany, 14.478cm

New Zealand, 13.97cm

UK, 13.97cm

Canada, 13.97cm

Spain, 13.97cm

France, 13.462cm

Australia, 13.208cm

Russia, 13.208cm

USA, 12.954cm

Ireland, 12.7cm

Romania, 12.7cm

China, 10.922cm

India, 10.16cm

Thailand, 10.16cm

South Korea, 9.652cm

North Korea, 9,652cm

your thoughts?

missfitz

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Filed under Daily Banter, Men, Oooh la la, Sex

Katy Perry as a Militant Lesbo : Hit or Miss?

Hiya Poutlings

…is it my imagination or does Katy Perry look the most photoshopped version of herself that you’ve ever seen?

You may also have noticed (or even possibly read the heading of this post that I believe) she is dressed like a militant lesbian for GQ Germany because based on my experience with my German friends, which is my knowledge of Germans in general and how much we love to give them nonsene about being German, because I am British, I am allowed to, we won the war and all that nonsense… (Oh, would you look at that, a can of worms all over this blog.)  As I am being one huge stereotype for this post, let me elaborate – Germans are cold, hard faced, militant lesbians, you know when they are not making really weird porn….

So, am I overreacting or have I drank too much coffee to even think about possibly blogging today, or am I correct? …about Katy Perry’s feature in GQ Germany of course, not about Germans all being militant lesbians, ofcourse I know that isn’t true, it was for the DRAMATIC effect damnit.

**missfitzz

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Filed under Beauty, Celebrities, Hotties, Magazines, Media, Models, Photography, Retouching