Tag Archives: literature

Remember that Time Jenny McCarthy Had Sex With a Tree?

Hiya Poutlings

I am aware that the title of this post is going to baffle your minds if you haven’t heard this ridiculous story, but read on just a little and you will understand why I titled it that and nothing else. PG 13.

Autism “curer” and “literary genius” Jenny McCarthy is promoting her newest book “Bad Habbits : Confessions of a Recovering Catholic” and she learned the best way to sell a book is to spill some ridiculous scandolous (not really) secrets about all the time she did drugs and fucked a tree so hard that it squirted sap like it’s never squirted sap before.

BACKGROUND FOR THOSE THAT ARE NOT AWARE OF WHO SHE IS: For those that are not aware, she is an American model, comedian, actress, author, activist and game show host. She began her career in 1993 as a nude model for Playboy and was later named the playmate of year. More recently, she has written books about parenting and has become an activist promoting research into enviromental causes and alternative biomedical treatments for autism. She has claimed that vaccines case autism – claims which are considered false by the medical community.

It’s been reported that Jenny writes while partying she popped so many Ecstasy pills that it made her take off all her clothes (like she needs Ecstasy pills to do that) and practically rub her what nots all over the tree and screw it.

“The texture felt so good that I decided to rub my head and boobs all over it. It was a tree I was humping.”

She then writes that her friends who were also rolling hard got paranoid and wanted to run to the road for help.

“I noticied that we weren’t wearing anything. So I responded `let’s not. We’re naked. Let’s just try to sneak back to the beach to get our clothes.`”

so… according to Jenny sticking any vaccine needle in your child is wrong, will probably send them to an earthly death and anybody who does it should be dragged into the town square and stoned – BUT – eating a bunch of ectasy pills and then forcibly having sex with a tree until you birth out an acorn baby is okay and not wrong? Good to know. Thanks for clearing that up, Jenny McCarthy, M.D.

Yes, in this case M.D. stands for MANIACALLY DUMB.

*missfitz

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Filed under Celebrities, Media, Models, Sex, What not to do...., WTF

THE OFFICIAL FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – DO IT YOURSELF BONDAGE KIT…

Greetings Poutlings

It’s time for another sour post about the best-selling-yet-worse-written book that has sold millions of copies on hype alone, yet it is somehow credited with saving marriages the world over (what, pray tell, were you all doing before this horrendous piece of “literature” came long?? playing Scrabble??) has now inspired an OFFICIAL 50 SHADES SEX TOY RANGE….

Which, just happens to be out just in time for Christmas.

THE OFFICIAL 50 SHADES OF GREY SEX TOY RANGE

GRRRRRR.

This actually gives me a stress headache. If you NEED to re-enact scenes from a childishly-written book using sex toys inspired by said book, your sex life is truly beyond saving.

Ok, that’s harsh… let me put it this way… YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG… (and it’s not beyond saving, I need to stop being so damn melodramatic). At least people are making an effort to get jiggy-with-it and I do appreciate that once people pop out children, getting off often goes out of the window. So, well done for trying.

After seeing this stupid sex toy range, I cannot shake the thought of suburban couples blindfolding and spanking each other with the £24.99  (roughly R300) Twitchy Palm Spanking Paddle and the wife moaning as Anastatia does in the book: ‘Spank me please… sir.‘ just makes me squirm and feel very uncomfortable… not in a good way.

Am I overreacting? Probably. The commerical world is so over rated and it would appear that E.L. James has just joined the MASSIVE-SELL-OUT bandwagon to make more money over hype.

And this is what I think about that….

**missfitz

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Filed under Books, Daily Banter, Media, Oooh la la, Sex, WTF